Fortification
in 5 Minutes
We highly recommend reading through the material in our "How to Fortify" section. It takes just over 30 minutes and offers an in-depth breakdown that will set you up for success.
But we get it. Life is busy. If you only have 5 minutes and still want to try Relationship Fortification, read on.
Here's the gist.
01 Prep
📆 𝗙𝗶𝗻𝗱 𝘆𝗼𝘂𝗿 𝗿𝗵𝘆𝘁𝗵𝗺- Set a recurring date in your calendar. Weekly or biweekly works best!
📝 𝗤𝘂𝗲𝘂𝗲 𝘆𝗼𝘂𝗿 𝘁𝗼𝗽𝗶𝗰𝘀 - Jot down quick notes of topics to cover before each session, including examples.
🎯 𝗣𝗿𝗶𝗼𝗿𝗶𝘁𝗶𝘇𝗲 - Select 3-4 key points per session—save the rest for later!
🫂 𝗘𝗺𝗽𝗮𝘁𝗵𝗶𝘇𝗲 - Consider any outside influences that might impact your partner’s actions.
🌈 𝗣𝗿𝗲𝗽 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗽𝗼𝘀𝗶𝘁𝗶𝘃𝗲𝘀 - Queue 2 positive observations, to begin and end each session on a high note!
02 Ground
💕 𝗘𝗺𝗯𝗿𝗮𝗰𝗲 𝗳𝗲𝗲𝗱𝗯𝗮𝗰𝗸 - Remember why your partner chose you. It’s natural to feel uneasy or hurt when receiving feedback.
🫂 𝗩𝗮𝗹𝗶𝗱𝗮𝘁𝗲 - Acknowledge your partner’s perspective. Even if you see it differently, it’s their reality.
🛠️ 𝗔𝗱𝗮𝗽𝘁 - Don’t resist change. If you want your partner to make improvements, you have to as well.
🧘 𝗣𝗮𝘂𝘀𝗲 - Take three big, long, relaxed breaths before responding to difficult feedback.
🎁 𝗔𝗽𝗽𝗿𝗲𝗰𝗶𝗮𝘁𝗲 - Remember: feedback is a gift—inside is the key to a stronger partnership.
03 Share
🛋️ 𝗚𝗲𝘁 𝘀𝗲𝘁𝘁𝗹𝗲𝗱 - Find a quiet, comfy spot for each session to build a sense of safety and familiarity.
🫂 𝗙𝗼𝗰𝘂𝘀 - Open your session with a grounding ritual—hug, meditate, breathe, or sip tea—and keep a clear mind.
✨ 𝗔𝗰𝗸𝗻𝗼𝘄𝗹𝗲𝗱𝗴𝗲 - Start on a positive note! Share something you appreciated that your partner did, or a piece of gratitude.
💬 𝗟𝗶𝘀𝘁𝗲𝗻 - Alternate sharing your challenges, responding to each other naturally (without interruption), as in a conversation.
📝 𝗥𝗲𝘀𝗽𝗲𝗰𝘁 - Stay on track with our 4 “Session Guardrails” (swipe to read)
💖 𝗢𝘄𝗻 𝘆𝗼𝘂𝗿 𝗳𝗲𝗲𝗹𝗶𝗻𝗴𝘀 - Stick to “I” statements (“I feel…”) rather than “you” statements, which tend to be confrontational or accusatory.
😶 𝗧𝗮𝗸𝗲 𝗮 𝗯𝗲𝗮𝘁 - Pause before responding—sometimes silence brings clarity.
🌈 𝗨𝗽𝗹𝗶𝗳𝘁 - End on a positive note!
04 Sustain
🎉 𝗖𝗲𝗹𝗲𝗯𝗿𝗮𝘁𝗲 - Every fortification session is a win! Take a moment to celebrate the shared commitment to growth, investment, and strengthening your relationship.
🗓️ 𝗦𝘁𝗮𝘆 𝗰𝗼𝗻𝘀𝗶𝘀𝘁𝗲𝗻𝘁 - Things going smoothly? That’s great! Keep your regular session time to build the habit—use it to celebrate your partner’s strengths and reinforce the positives in your relationship.
🌿 𝗥𝗲𝗳𝗹𝗲𝗰𝘁 - After each session, set aside time for self-reflection, focusing on your own approach rather than your partner’s. Just a few moments of honest, consistent self-assessment can reveal patterns and uncover growth opportunities over time. (swipe to read)
✨ 𝗠𝗮𝗸𝗲 𝗶𝘁 𝘆𝗼𝘂𝗿 𝗼𝘄𝗻 - Customize the framework to fit your needs. Fortification is flexible—address urgent issues as they arise with the same clear-headed and compassionate tone that you would use in a scheduled fortification session.
❤️ 𝗦𝘂𝗽𝗽𝗼𝗿𝘁 - Struggling with progress after multiple fortification sessions? Consider a couple’s therapist for additional support and use fortification between therapy sessions to keep strengthening your bond.